Relationships Are Hard

I've had my fair share of relationships.  When I say relationships I’m not just speaking of romance.  I’m talking about friends, lovers, flings and the like.  People come and go in our lives.  But why? I believe that every friendship is for a season.  Some people we remain friends with for a lifetime, others for just a few months or years. We enjoy the people around us and give of ourselves as given to.  Yet what remains the same in each relationship is that it requires work – work towards a mutually beneficial feeling of satisfaction. 

We get satisfaction out of a relationship based on our own individual expectation of what that person has agreed to give.  Sometimes there is no agreement, not one that has been communicated at least. But when we don’t get what we expect, we become disappointed.  This is where the work comes in.

We have to work at letting our expectations be known.  We have to work at giving what the other person needs and wants.  Sometimes we forget about the other person and become selfish in this regard. For many people including myself it is hard to work at relationships in this manner.  Our same sex acquaintances want to talk and be motivated by each other.  They want to hang out and have fun or share family time.  Out opposite sex acquaintances want reassurance of sexuality – even when the relationship is platonic.  We want someone to remind us that we are great.

But because everyone wants the same out of the relationship, it’s hard to remember to give.  We enter in wanting.  And this is ultimately the failure of all relationships and what makes them hard to maintain. When we decide we don’t want to be friends with someone it usually because they hurt us or disappointed us.  I can almost guarantee that the hurt or disappointment is determined by what we didn't or get.  Rarely is it determined by what we gave. Thus, it is our selfishness, or our egocentric behavior that make relationships hard.

Perhaps if we were more selfless and giving, we could maintain those relationships for longer.  Or are we destined to have seasonal relationships for life?