A Different Kind of Writer's Block

 

Many people have heard of or suffered from writer’s block. Writer’s block occurs when there is a requirement to write, but you are unable to. Most writers describe it as not being able to put the words on the page, or not being motivated, or being in a slump and writing ‘crap’ instead of meaningful prose.  For the professional writer it can be a very painful experience.  Periods of writer’s block can last hours, days, or for some, months.

I’ve been working on Volume Two of Love and Text Messages for over two months, and I’m barely done with chapter 1.  My deadline is less than a week away.  I doubt that I will make it.  This means I will have a strong conversation with my publisher this week, or shortly after this blog is posted. Nonetheless, I’ve been dealing with writer’s block for almost 3 weeks. I’ve had writer’s block before and have dealt with it a number of ways such as, taking a break, going on vacation, or using basic techniques in writing to get myself going again.  All of those techniques seem to be failing me this time around.

I was getting angry with myself as I know that many people are anxiously awaiting the release and I didn’t want to let anyone down.  It wasn’t until I had a conversation last night with my FWB that I realized what was going on with me any why I couldn’t write.

FWB and I had our typical catching up-like conversation and we talked about the things that were going on in our lives as of late.  He had just returned from a swinger’s party the night before and was recuperating.  He had also hit up a party the week before too – without me.  I didn’t mind not rolling with him because a few weeks ago I had made a decision that I was going to lay low for a while.  We talked for about 40 minutes on the phone trading stories of what life had been like for us.  He was having a great time. I, on the other hand, was doing none of the things that I liked to do. I was doing ‘normal’ shit. 

I have two new business ventures that I’m working on and I felt like I need to have clarity of mind to get through the planning stage.  Plus I’m scheduled to meet some new business partners and I wanted to be sharp.  So I began this new regimen to get ready.  It was the perfect thing to do – so I thought.  I began to exercise. I hate to exercise.  I’m actually anti-exercise, yet I was walking about 2-3 miles every other day.  I had reduced the amount of alcohol that I was drinking on a daily basis, because I thought it might help me shed a few pounds.  I actually went to the gym a couple of times with a friend and lifted weights too.  I cut back on carbs, and gave up caffeine. I hadn’t gone to any parties or clubs and I certainly didn’t smoke as much weed as I had in the past. As a matter of fact I’ve only had a half of joint in the last month.  So let’s just say I’m pretty much detoxed at this point. Real good sex on the regular has even become a thing of the past

I spent my days surfing the net, watching TV, or staring at a blank page. I did things with my kids and family but none of my normal outgoing activities. Life was good.  Life was lame.

These are the things which I shared with FWB on the phone. And there came my ah-ha moment … The reason why I couldn’t write. I was just too fucking sober.  I had reduced my life down to a status-quo rut that I didn’t believe in.  Why the hell was I doing this to myself? There is good reason to want to put your life on the right track. But the right track for everybody else is the wrong track for me.  I need adventure, stimulants, and a few good hangovers.  I broke my own rule to living an authentic life: To thine own self be true. And so I will. I may keep doing my 2 mile walks from time-to time, but I will walk to the liquor store and back and then raise my cup when I return.  Instead of watching TV until I feel motivated to write I will light up a fat one and then turn on the computer.  And instead of looking forward to a quiet weekend at home alone, I will look forward to the next all-night party adventure.

I still may miss my deadline, but I will surely feel better knowing I have stirred some things up and created excitement for myself instead of just letting life go by.  Writer’s block be gone!

~Natalie

Read more about FWB and what he meand to me in Love and Text Messages Volume One:

Read about my books at www.loveandtextmessages.com or purchase at:
http://www.amazon.com/Love-Text-Messages-Volume-Summer/dp/0985182709/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1331341156&sr=8-1

Love is a Journey

Stop looking for step by step guides on how to do it. Live, instead.

I would like to begin by saying that I am not a relationship expert or a marriage counselor. I have not an ounce of advice on how to fix broken hearts, or ruined relationships. I’ve messed up either by fault or default almost every relationship that I‘ve had. But what I do well is two things, 1.) Communicate, and 2.) Live life to the fullest. That’s what Love and Text Messages and this Blog are really about.

Love is the common thread among all of humanity. At some point in our lives we have all loved, something or someone and have been loved. Love is simple yet complex. Love and Text Messages focuses on the complexities and the components that are not always easily accepted or always considered to be an aspect of Love. Here, I will share my experiences and thoughts about the journey of human love. Texting is a recent discovery and an application of human interaction. Contrary to what some experts have said, texting can be and usually is full of emotion and is an extension of ourselves.

I hope the book, the text messages, and my Blog postings compel others to think about, talk about, and accept all aspects of who people are, and how they love no matter the style. Whether through Sex, Romance, Kindness, Generosity, Submission, Swinging, Promiscuity, Monogamy, Voyeurism, or texting, we all have our own way of loving and being loved.

Love drives our common quest for happiness and self-gratification. I encourage everyone to focus on being their authentic self while in pursuit of those things that make us happy.  My mantra: “If it feels right, do it.” While this may not work for everyone, the premise if taken to heart can help many people find happiness and minimize regrets. What’s more, if you remain true to whom you are and your own desires, it’s likely that you will find the deepest love – and that is of one’s self. Never sacrifice what you believe and what you want for the sake of another being, and in doing so, inspire others to take the same just stand.  “To thine own self be true” ~ William Shakespeare (Polonius).

~Natalie

About the Book Love and Text Messages Vol. 1 Summer 2011

Zdick! is becoming my new FWB

If you have read my fisrt book. You are familiar with my wonderful friend FWB.  I've nown him for 7 years.  He's a good friend and he brings sexual benefits whenever I need them.

About 2 years ao I met Zdick!.  I call him Zdick! because he's got z dick of dicks! and he works it well.  Anyway, Zdick!  and I have had sex a few times over the last year and we recently increased the frenquency of our visits.  The interesting thing about the visits is that the last two times we have spend more time talking and sharing about our lives than we did having sex. I'm not complaining because I really did enjoy the time spent.  But this was no longer a sexual tryst.  This relationship was moving alog toward friend.

I dont think we will end up in a committed relationship but we are definately becoming friends. 

As for my orginal FWB.  It's been about a month since I our last f*ckathon

 

 

Friends With Benefits

I met my Friend With Benefits ( FWB ) in early 2005. We are still FWBs today. A FWB is a friend that you have with which you gain the added benefit of sex minus the commitment. FWB to me is different than what some people call ‘No Strings Attached’ (NSA) relationships.  NSA implies that it’s just about sex, no rules, no expectations, and no emotions, and no friendship.  For me, FWB implies that there is a friendship that exist and a mutual respect for one another. It’s like a platonic friendship layered underneath sexual encounters. The sex can exist because you are friends and want to remain friends.

 

My relationship with my FWB was the beginning of my search for my authentic self. I had a sexual with a woman at a swingers' party in late 2004. She wanted to connect again.  She asked if she could come over and bring two guys with her.  Since I had been sexually mute during my divorce I was ready to loudly proclaim my sexuality. I gladly welcomed them. When she arrived she had my FWB in tow and another gentleman. The four of us had sex in my living room on the couch and on the floor. We swapped partners and began again. It was a new and surreal experience for me, but I really enjoyed the attention and the sexual satisfaction. 

I didn’t exchange contact information with him that night but I ran into him again a few months later at another swinger’s party. He took me off to a seprate room that night and enjoyed each other.  We had several encounters like this over the next year.  After running into each other a few more times he finally asked me if I wanted to ‘kick-it’ a little bit.  I didn’t mind at all.  So we started hanging out; having sex and not having sex.  We just enjoyed each others company. After about two years of this we had a conversation about becoming a committed couple. We mutually agreed that things were fine the way they were and that there was no need to change. 

So from then until now we’ve remained FWBs.  We go to swingers' parties together.  We go to the movies and out to dinner occasionally.  He may even come over for a family gathering every now and then.  We are not exclusive lovers by any means.  He sees other people and so do I.  We agree to be honest with each other and we can talk about anything…work, sex, family, money, or whatever. That’s how it is and that’s how we like it.

Our relationship is truly beneficial to me as it has allowed me to be open and honest about how much I do enjoy sex and that I appreciate having a sound friendship with a male who is not my boyfriend or husband. We are friends with benefits.

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Creating Balance in Life - Fresh Idea #4

If reading is fundamental, writing is essential.

Іf уоu dо nоt kеер а journal оf уоur thoughts, lessons learned, life progress, feelings, interests, оr observations, start оnе today. Таkе а fеw minutes аt thе еnd оf еасh day recording whаtеvеr уоu feel іn sоmе wау contributed tо whо уоu аrе, hоw уоu feel, аnd whо уоu аrе becoming.

Writing your thoughts and feelins will serve two purposes:  one - is will help you to clear your mind of stress and confusion; Two - is will help you gain clarity on your vision and purpose. 

Try it for a week and let me know how it goes.

~Natalie

The Quest for Love and Self - Part III

[Excerpt from Volume One - Summer 2011]During the time I was married I never had an alcoholic beverage. I never smoked cigarettes or used drugs. I never hung out with my girlfriends. I never went to a party. I rarely went out to dinner or traveled to any exotic locations.  I can count the times we had sex. It was about four times a year. I never sucked dick (although I did before I got married). I never dyed or cut my hair. I never wore a skirt higher than my knees or a low cut shirt. I never cursed. I never did any of those things, not because I didn’t find enjoyment in them but because he had convinced me that a good wife was not supposed to do those things. So I didn’t. I was so glad that I was finally making a decision based on something that I wanted to do and one that in my heart I knew was right. It also happened to be the hardest decision I have ever made in my life. I am often asked if I regret being married. I do not. I am not bitter. Sure, I have some mean and harsh things to say about my Ex and who he was and how he treated me. They are factual. But I have moved on. I learned a lot about myself because of the marriage. If I had not suffered through that experience I may still be naïve and I may have been hurt in worse ways by other people. The isolation and control did benefit me to a certain extent, because I was always a go getter. My mother used to call me fast. And honestly, that’s the only speed that I know – even today. And I could have potentially ended up running the streets and getting into a totally different kind of trouble. My only regret in all of this is that I stayed married for so long while knowing from the beginning that the relationship was hurtful and harmful to me. It was a 10-year-long life lesson that had to be learned.

~Natalie

Relationships Are Hard

I've had my fair share of relationships.  When I say relationships I’m not just speaking of romance.  I’m talking about friends, lovers, flings and the like.  People come and go in our lives.  But why? I believe that every friendship is for a season.  Some people we remain friends with for a lifetime, others for just a few months or years. We enjoy the people around us and give of ourselves as given to.  Yet what remains the same in each relationship is that it requires work – work towards a mutually beneficial feeling of satisfaction. 

We get satisfaction out of a relationship based on our own individual expectation of what that person has agreed to give.  Sometimes there is no agreement, not one that has been communicated at least. But when we don’t get what we expect, we become disappointed.  This is where the work comes in.

We have to work at letting our expectations be known.  We have to work at giving what the other person needs and wants.  Sometimes we forget about the other person and become selfish in this regard. For many people including myself it is hard to work at relationships in this manner.  Our same sex acquaintances want to talk and be motivated by each other.  They want to hang out and have fun or share family time.  Out opposite sex acquaintances want reassurance of sexuality – even when the relationship is platonic.  We want someone to remind us that we are great.

But because everyone wants the same out of the relationship, it’s hard to remember to give.  We enter in wanting.  And this is ultimately the failure of all relationships and what makes them hard to maintain. When we decide we don’t want to be friends with someone it usually because they hurt us or disappointed us.  I can almost guarantee that the hurt or disappointment is determined by what we didn't or get.  Rarely is it determined by what we gave. Thus, it is our selfishness, or our egocentric behavior that make relationships hard.

Perhaps if we were more selfless and giving, we could maintain those relationships for longer.  Or are we destined to have seasonal relationships for life? 

How I Do It

How I Do It

It’s no secret that I have a crazy and hectic life. Balancing work, lovers, friends, kids, finances, several businesses, hobbies, social life, family, etc is a real juggling act. 

I think at least once a month or more often, someone says to me ”I don’t know how you do it.”  And I just look back at them and say, “I don’t either.”  Well, not really, I do have some idea how I manage. But my philosophy and practices would resonate with few people. So I don’t bother trying to explain.

Even my hussle has hussle.

For me, I don’t have any other option but to get things done.  Failure is not an option. I have to hussle, hard. Even my hussle has hussle. But that’s me, not you or anybody else.  I searched deep in my soul long time ago and I promised myself that I would leave and inheritance to my children’s children. I promised myself not to make the same mistake my parents made. I promised myself that I would be a good example to my children.  So I can’t sit still. I believe that my word is bond. And if I don’t do the things I said I would do, then I am a liar. I don’t believe in the status quo. I believe you are either moving forward or moving backward. I choose to move forward.

 

“Do or do not, there is no try.” ~Yoda 

The Quest for Love and Self - Part II

[Excerpt from Volume One - Summer 2011]

 While growing up as a child I learned, by watching my independent, yet oftentimes weak, single mother and single grandmother, not challenge authority and avoid conflict. They never once said “stand up for yourself daughter,” or “never let anyone change who you are.” Instead, the advice my twice-divorced mother gave me was that marriage was not 50/50. It was compromise. And so I did. I compromised on everything, in every way, including me, most of the time just to avoid conflict. I developed some real bite marks on my tongue while compromising.

My relationship with my ex-husband reminds me of the young women who so aspired to be married in the movie Mona Lisa Smile. Julia Roberts, while portraying an Art History teacher in the movie, challenges her female students to re-examine the traditional roles of women. She says during a self-reflecting moment that she “didn’t realize that by demanding excellence of these girls that she was also challenging the roles they were ‘born to fill.” Who said we women were born to be wives, and couldn’t also be everything else that we want to be? I don’t know, but I bought into this concept – hook, line, sinker, fisherman, and boots! And it cost me tremendously. In the process of trying to be a wife, I lost the authentic me. I have spent the rest of my life since then trying to regain it – uncompromisingly so.

For 10 years I wore my ‘Mona Lisa’ smile. Why I felt that I couldn’t tell anyone how terrible marriage turned out to be for me, I have no idea. Maybe I was embarrassed by my naïveté going into it, and my failure to make it work while I was in it. Nah, I don’t embarrass easily. I think my husband was embarrassed, because ultimately he was, over time, failing at creating the perfect wife. In the beginning it was easy because I really wanted to be married. But as time went on it became more difficult to keep me within his confines because the real me always aspired for more, for greatness, for the next accomplishment, for freedom and flexibility. You can’t keep a real winner down, ya know?

But my husband sure did try. And he succeeded for about the first 4 years. I spent those years helping him grow in his career; cooking the food that he liked to eat; watching the movies that he liked; ironing his clothes; going to work and handing over my pay check. I was so good at being a wife – even stupid and foolish at times. I knew he was an asshole. Somehow I rationalized that if I could make him look good by shinning brighter and being the perfect wife, no one would know about my mistake and how weak I really was in this situation.

There was some real dumb shit that went down between 1995 and 2005—shit that I and many other women put up with for the sake of being a wife.

During the first four years of the marriage we focused on our careers and becoming more financially stable. I had helped him get a very good job, progressed in my own career and we started several businesses. Some worked out, others did not. But the company that I helped set up for him and for which I did all the marketing prospered. We banked the income, bought a new house and on the outside we represented the standard upwardly mobile couple.

I really wanted to have kids and since his business was doing well we agreed that I would quit my job and start my own consulting company to give me the flexibility to be at home. I easily got pregnant and after being in business for myself for about 1 year, I set that aside to concentrate on being a stay-at-home mom. My first son was born in 2000, five years after we got married. About a year and half later came kid number two. But while I was pregnant with kid number two, and while taking care of kid number one I was no longer marketing my husband’s business. He lost his major contract and remained unemployed for about 6-8 months. Can you imagine what it was like in our house with the both of us there all day and me being pregnant?  Fortunately we had set aside enough money to sustain us for a while but the pressure was building.

Since I didn’t deal with the finances I really didn’t know how much money we had – just that there was enough. It turned out that after about 7 months, there was only a few more months of money left in the bank. So one peaceful afternoon I was in my office. My two year-old was rocking in the baby swing while I nursed my two month-old. “Asshole” (that’s his name now) walks into my office and without hesitation and as cavalier as anyone could be, says to me “you need to get a job.” I was dumbfounded, speechless. I wanted to be a wife and a stay-at-home mom, and live up to my role. We had worked so hard for this, I thought to myself. Now, what the fuck? 

What kind of real man sends his nursing wife out to work while he sits at home on his ass? A manipulating, controlling one who wants to be a lazy fuck, and has no respect for women let alone himself – that’s the kind. So for about two months we debated about me going back to work. I was still nursing! But in the end somehow I was reminded that I needed to submit to his will. I found a job, a damn good job and in January of year eight of the marriage I went back to work full-time.

Thank God that I did because that’s when the shit hit the fan so to speak. Even thought I was free from him in proximity he continued to figure out ways to control me and isolate me from the world. When I worked he remained unemployed. Yet insisted we put the kids in day care, so that whenever he got a job they would already be settled in and used to it. I fell for that lame reasoning. Where had my brain cells gone? I was still avoiding conflict.

To be continued....

Text of the Week

Received from: FWB	2012-01-03 22:12	Lolol....what you have on?
Send to: FWB	2012-01-03 22:15	Nothing sexy. Sitting in the kitchen on the computer. got on leggins and a sweater.
Received from: FWB	2012-01-03 22:15	That is sexy on this cold ass night. I got on some sweats n a long sleeve shirt
Received from: FWB	2012-01-03 22:16	Oh n my winter socks lol
Send to: FWB	2012-01-03 22:17	Wish I was under.your blanket. That's the only reason I'm down here cuz its next.to the fire. Gonna go up soon.
Received from: FWB	2012-01-03 22:19	Yeah I already picture you with that blanket up to your ear in your bed
Send to: FWB	2012-01-03 22:19	LOL ;-)
Send to: FWB	2012-01-03 22:21	Hey. Do you remember that time at your house when you fucked me so good and knocked me out that I was moaning in my sleep????
Received from: FWB	2012-01-03 22:22	YEEESSS!! Lovely!!!
Received from: FWB	2012-01-03 22:22	We always gets it in n make memories lol
Received from: FWB	2012-01-03 22:22	You having flashbacks huh
Send to: FWB	2012-01-03 22:23	Lmao!
Send to: FWB	2012-01-03 22:24	Yes we do....at least I didn't bust a whole in the Mattress with my heel! Buhahaaaa hahahahah!
Received from: FWB	2012-01-03 22:24	LMFAO!!!!!!!
Received from: FWB	2012-01-03 22:25	That's cause we ain't never been on no air mattress!!!
Send to: FWB	2012-01-03 22:25	Fo sho
Received from: FWB	2012-01-03 22:26	One time I remember was us out on your deck and you and I in your kithen.....can you say HOT!!
Send to: FWB	2012-01-03 22:43	Hawt
Received from: FWB	2012-01-03 22:49	That too!!