Thursday, February 16, 2012

Friends With Benefits

I met my Friend With Benefits ( FWB ) in early 2005. We are still FWBs today. A FWB is a friend that you have with which you gain the added benefit of sex minus the commitment. FWB to me is different than what some people call ‘No Strings Attached’ (NSA) relationships.  NSA implies that it’s just about sex, no rules, no expectations, and no emotions, and no friendship.  For me, FWB implies that there is a friendship that exist and a mutual respect for one another. It’s like a platonic friendship layered underneath sexual encounters. The sex can exist because you are friends and want to remain friends.
My relationship with my FWB was the beginning of my search for my authentic self. I had a sexual with a woman at a swingers' party in late 2004. She wanted to connect again.  She asked if she could come over and bring two guys with her.  Since I had been sexually mute during my divorce I was ready to loudly proclaim my sexuality. I gladly welcomed them. When she arrived she had my FWB in tow and another gentleman. The four of us had sex in my living room on the couch and on the floor. We swapped partners and began again. It was a new and surreal experience for me, but I really enjoyed the attention and the sexual satisfaction. 
I didn’t exchange contact information with him that night but I ran into him again a few months later at another swinger’s party. He took me off to a seprate room that night and enjoyed each other.  We had several encounters like this over the next year.  After running into each other a few more times he finally asked me if I wanted to ‘kick-it’ a little bit.  I didn’t mind at all.  So we started hanging out; having sex and not having sex.  We just enjoyed each others company. After about two years of this we had a conversation about becoming a committed couple. We mutually agreed that things were fine the way they were and that there was no need to change. 

So from then until now we’ve remained FWBs.  We go to swingers' parties together.  We go to the movies and out to dinner occasionally.  He may even come over for a family gathering every now and then.  We are not exclusive lovers by any means.  He sees other people and so do I.  We agree to be honest with each other and we can talk about anything…work, sex, family, money, or whatever. That’s how it is and that’s how we like it.

Our relationship is truly beneficial to me as it has allowed me to be open and honest about how much I do enjoy sex and that I appreciate having a sound friendship with a male who is not my boyfriend or husband. We are friends with benefits.

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