Zdick! is becoming my new FWB

If you have read my fisrt book. You are familiar with my wonderful friend FWB.  I've nown him for 7 years.  He's a good friend and he brings sexual benefits whenever I need them.

About 2 years ao I met Zdick!.  I call him Zdick! because he's got z dick of dicks! and he works it well.  Anyway, Zdick!  and I have had sex a few times over the last year and we recently increased the frenquency of our visits.  The interesting thing about the visits is that the last two times we have spend more time talking and sharing about our lives than we did having sex. I'm not complaining because I really did enjoy the time spent.  But this was no longer a sexual tryst.  This relationship was moving alog toward friend.

I dont think we will end up in a committed relationship but we are definately becoming friends. 

As for my orginal FWB.  It's been about a month since I our last f*ckathon

 

 

Friends With Benefits

I met my Friend With Benefits ( FWB ) in early 2005. We are still FWBs today. A FWB is a friend that you have with which you gain the added benefit of sex minus the commitment. FWB to me is different than what some people call ‘No Strings Attached’ (NSA) relationships.  NSA implies that it’s just about sex, no rules, no expectations, and no emotions, and no friendship.  For me, FWB implies that there is a friendship that exist and a mutual respect for one another. It’s like a platonic friendship layered underneath sexual encounters. The sex can exist because you are friends and want to remain friends.

 

My relationship with my FWB was the beginning of my search for my authentic self. I had a sexual with a woman at a swingers' party in late 2004. She wanted to connect again.  She asked if she could come over and bring two guys with her.  Since I had been sexually mute during my divorce I was ready to loudly proclaim my sexuality. I gladly welcomed them. When she arrived she had my FWB in tow and another gentleman. The four of us had sex in my living room on the couch and on the floor. We swapped partners and began again. It was a new and surreal experience for me, but I really enjoyed the attention and the sexual satisfaction. 

I didn’t exchange contact information with him that night but I ran into him again a few months later at another swinger’s party. He took me off to a seprate room that night and enjoyed each other.  We had several encounters like this over the next year.  After running into each other a few more times he finally asked me if I wanted to ‘kick-it’ a little bit.  I didn’t mind at all.  So we started hanging out; having sex and not having sex.  We just enjoyed each others company. After about two years of this we had a conversation about becoming a committed couple. We mutually agreed that things were fine the way they were and that there was no need to change. 

So from then until now we’ve remained FWBs.  We go to swingers' parties together.  We go to the movies and out to dinner occasionally.  He may even come over for a family gathering every now and then.  We are not exclusive lovers by any means.  He sees other people and so do I.  We agree to be honest with each other and we can talk about anything…work, sex, family, money, or whatever. That’s how it is and that’s how we like it.

Our relationship is truly beneficial to me as it has allowed me to be open and honest about how much I do enjoy sex and that I appreciate having a sound friendship with a male who is not my boyfriend or husband. We are friends with benefits.

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Creating Balance in Life - Fresh Idea #4

If reading is fundamental, writing is essential.

Іf уоu dо nоt kеер а journal оf уоur thoughts, lessons learned, life progress, feelings, interests, оr observations, start оnе today. Таkе а fеw minutes аt thе еnd оf еасh day recording whаtеvеr уоu feel іn sоmе wау contributed tо whо уоu аrе, hоw уоu feel, аnd whо уоu аrе becoming.

Writing your thoughts and feelins will serve two purposes:  one - is will help you to clear your mind of stress and confusion; Two - is will help you gain clarity on your vision and purpose. 

Try it for a week and let me know how it goes.

~Natalie

The Quest for Love and Self - Part III

[Excerpt from Volume One - Summer 2011]During the time I was married I never had an alcoholic beverage. I never smoked cigarettes or used drugs. I never hung out with my girlfriends. I never went to a party. I rarely went out to dinner or traveled to any exotic locations.  I can count the times we had sex. It was about four times a year. I never sucked dick (although I did before I got married). I never dyed or cut my hair. I never wore a skirt higher than my knees or a low cut shirt. I never cursed. I never did any of those things, not because I didn’t find enjoyment in them but because he had convinced me that a good wife was not supposed to do those things. So I didn’t. I was so glad that I was finally making a decision based on something that I wanted to do and one that in my heart I knew was right. It also happened to be the hardest decision I have ever made in my life. I am often asked if I regret being married. I do not. I am not bitter. Sure, I have some mean and harsh things to say about my Ex and who he was and how he treated me. They are factual. But I have moved on. I learned a lot about myself because of the marriage. If I had not suffered through that experience I may still be naïve and I may have been hurt in worse ways by other people. The isolation and control did benefit me to a certain extent, because I was always a go getter. My mother used to call me fast. And honestly, that’s the only speed that I know – even today. And I could have potentially ended up running the streets and getting into a totally different kind of trouble. My only regret in all of this is that I stayed married for so long while knowing from the beginning that the relationship was hurtful and harmful to me. It was a 10-year-long life lesson that had to be learned.

~Natalie

Relationships Are Hard

I've had my fair share of relationships.  When I say relationships I’m not just speaking of romance.  I’m talking about friends, lovers, flings and the like.  People come and go in our lives.  But why? I believe that every friendship is for a season.  Some people we remain friends with for a lifetime, others for just a few months or years. We enjoy the people around us and give of ourselves as given to.  Yet what remains the same in each relationship is that it requires work – work towards a mutually beneficial feeling of satisfaction. 

We get satisfaction out of a relationship based on our own individual expectation of what that person has agreed to give.  Sometimes there is no agreement, not one that has been communicated at least. But when we don’t get what we expect, we become disappointed.  This is where the work comes in.

We have to work at letting our expectations be known.  We have to work at giving what the other person needs and wants.  Sometimes we forget about the other person and become selfish in this regard. For many people including myself it is hard to work at relationships in this manner.  Our same sex acquaintances want to talk and be motivated by each other.  They want to hang out and have fun or share family time.  Out opposite sex acquaintances want reassurance of sexuality – even when the relationship is platonic.  We want someone to remind us that we are great.

But because everyone wants the same out of the relationship, it’s hard to remember to give.  We enter in wanting.  And this is ultimately the failure of all relationships and what makes them hard to maintain. When we decide we don’t want to be friends with someone it usually because they hurt us or disappointed us.  I can almost guarantee that the hurt or disappointment is determined by what we didn't or get.  Rarely is it determined by what we gave. Thus, it is our selfishness, or our egocentric behavior that make relationships hard.

Perhaps if we were more selfless and giving, we could maintain those relationships for longer.  Or are we destined to have seasonal relationships for life? 

How I Do It

How I Do It

It’s no secret that I have a crazy and hectic life. Balancing work, lovers, friends, kids, finances, several businesses, hobbies, social life, family, etc is a real juggling act. 

I think at least once a month or more often, someone says to me ”I don’t know how you do it.”  And I just look back at them and say, “I don’t either.”  Well, not really, I do have some idea how I manage. But my philosophy and practices would resonate with few people. So I don’t bother trying to explain.

Even my hussle has hussle.

For me, I don’t have any other option but to get things done.  Failure is not an option. I have to hussle, hard. Even my hussle has hussle. But that’s me, not you or anybody else.  I searched deep in my soul long time ago and I promised myself that I would leave and inheritance to my children’s children. I promised myself not to make the same mistake my parents made. I promised myself that I would be a good example to my children.  So I can’t sit still. I believe that my word is bond. And if I don’t do the things I said I would do, then I am a liar. I don’t believe in the status quo. I believe you are either moving forward or moving backward. I choose to move forward.

 

“Do or do not, there is no try.” ~Yoda