Love is a Journey

Stop looking for step by step guides on how to do it. Live, instead.

I would like to begin by saying that I am not a relationship expert or a marriage counselor. I have not an ounce of advice on how to fix broken hearts, or ruined relationships. I’ve messed up either by fault or default almost every relationship that I‘ve had. But what I do well is two things, 1.) Communicate, and 2.) Live life to the fullest. That’s what Love and Text Messages and this Blog are really about.

Love is the common thread among all of humanity. At some point in our lives we have all loved, something or someone and have been loved. Love is simple yet complex. Love and Text Messages focuses on the complexities and the components that are not always easily accepted or always considered to be an aspect of Love. Here, I will share my experiences and thoughts about the journey of human love. Texting is a recent discovery and an application of human interaction. Contrary to what some experts have said, texting can be and usually is full of emotion and is an extension of ourselves.

I hope the book, the text messages, and my Blog postings compel others to think about, talk about, and accept all aspects of who people are, and how they love no matter the style. Whether through Sex, Romance, Kindness, Generosity, Submission, Swinging, Promiscuity, Monogamy, Voyeurism, or texting, we all have our own way of loving and being loved.

Love drives our common quest for happiness and self-gratification. I encourage everyone to focus on being their authentic self while in pursuit of those things that make us happy.  My mantra: “If it feels right, do it.” While this may not work for everyone, the premise if taken to heart can help many people find happiness and minimize regrets. What’s more, if you remain true to whom you are and your own desires, it’s likely that you will find the deepest love – and that is of one’s self. Never sacrifice what you believe and what you want for the sake of another being, and in doing so, inspire others to take the same just stand.  “To thine own self be true” ~ William Shakespeare (Polonius).

~Natalie

About the Book Love and Text Messages Vol. 1 Summer 2011

Zdick! is becoming my new FWB

If you have read my fisrt book. You are familiar with my wonderful friend FWB.  I've nown him for 7 years.  He's a good friend and he brings sexual benefits whenever I need them.

About 2 years ao I met Zdick!.  I call him Zdick! because he's got z dick of dicks! and he works it well.  Anyway, Zdick!  and I have had sex a few times over the last year and we recently increased the frenquency of our visits.  The interesting thing about the visits is that the last two times we have spend more time talking and sharing about our lives than we did having sex. I'm not complaining because I really did enjoy the time spent.  But this was no longer a sexual tryst.  This relationship was moving alog toward friend.

I dont think we will end up in a committed relationship but we are definately becoming friends. 

As for my orginal FWB.  It's been about a month since I our last f*ckathon

 

 

The Quest for Love and Self - Part III

[Excerpt from Volume One - Summer 2011]During the time I was married I never had an alcoholic beverage. I never smoked cigarettes or used drugs. I never hung out with my girlfriends. I never went to a party. I rarely went out to dinner or traveled to any exotic locations.  I can count the times we had sex. It was about four times a year. I never sucked dick (although I did before I got married). I never dyed or cut my hair. I never wore a skirt higher than my knees or a low cut shirt. I never cursed. I never did any of those things, not because I didn’t find enjoyment in them but because he had convinced me that a good wife was not supposed to do those things. So I didn’t. I was so glad that I was finally making a decision based on something that I wanted to do and one that in my heart I knew was right. It also happened to be the hardest decision I have ever made in my life. I am often asked if I regret being married. I do not. I am not bitter. Sure, I have some mean and harsh things to say about my Ex and who he was and how he treated me. They are factual. But I have moved on. I learned a lot about myself because of the marriage. If I had not suffered through that experience I may still be naïve and I may have been hurt in worse ways by other people. The isolation and control did benefit me to a certain extent, because I was always a go getter. My mother used to call me fast. And honestly, that’s the only speed that I know – even today. And I could have potentially ended up running the streets and getting into a totally different kind of trouble. My only regret in all of this is that I stayed married for so long while knowing from the beginning that the relationship was hurtful and harmful to me. It was a 10-year-long life lesson that had to be learned.

~Natalie

The Quest for Love and Self - Part II

[Excerpt from Volume One - Summer 2011]

 While growing up as a child I learned, by watching my independent, yet oftentimes weak, single mother and single grandmother, not challenge authority and avoid conflict. They never once said “stand up for yourself daughter,” or “never let anyone change who you are.” Instead, the advice my twice-divorced mother gave me was that marriage was not 50/50. It was compromise. And so I did. I compromised on everything, in every way, including me, most of the time just to avoid conflict. I developed some real bite marks on my tongue while compromising.

My relationship with my ex-husband reminds me of the young women who so aspired to be married in the movie Mona Lisa Smile. Julia Roberts, while portraying an Art History teacher in the movie, challenges her female students to re-examine the traditional roles of women. She says during a self-reflecting moment that she “didn’t realize that by demanding excellence of these girls that she was also challenging the roles they were ‘born to fill.” Who said we women were born to be wives, and couldn’t also be everything else that we want to be? I don’t know, but I bought into this concept – hook, line, sinker, fisherman, and boots! And it cost me tremendously. In the process of trying to be a wife, I lost the authentic me. I have spent the rest of my life since then trying to regain it – uncompromisingly so.

For 10 years I wore my ‘Mona Lisa’ smile. Why I felt that I couldn’t tell anyone how terrible marriage turned out to be for me, I have no idea. Maybe I was embarrassed by my naïveté going into it, and my failure to make it work while I was in it. Nah, I don’t embarrass easily. I think my husband was embarrassed, because ultimately he was, over time, failing at creating the perfect wife. In the beginning it was easy because I really wanted to be married. But as time went on it became more difficult to keep me within his confines because the real me always aspired for more, for greatness, for the next accomplishment, for freedom and flexibility. You can’t keep a real winner down, ya know?

But my husband sure did try. And he succeeded for about the first 4 years. I spent those years helping him grow in his career; cooking the food that he liked to eat; watching the movies that he liked; ironing his clothes; going to work and handing over my pay check. I was so good at being a wife – even stupid and foolish at times. I knew he was an asshole. Somehow I rationalized that if I could make him look good by shinning brighter and being the perfect wife, no one would know about my mistake and how weak I really was in this situation.

There was some real dumb shit that went down between 1995 and 2005—shit that I and many other women put up with for the sake of being a wife.

During the first four years of the marriage we focused on our careers and becoming more financially stable. I had helped him get a very good job, progressed in my own career and we started several businesses. Some worked out, others did not. But the company that I helped set up for him and for which I did all the marketing prospered. We banked the income, bought a new house and on the outside we represented the standard upwardly mobile couple.

I really wanted to have kids and since his business was doing well we agreed that I would quit my job and start my own consulting company to give me the flexibility to be at home. I easily got pregnant and after being in business for myself for about 1 year, I set that aside to concentrate on being a stay-at-home mom. My first son was born in 2000, five years after we got married. About a year and half later came kid number two. But while I was pregnant with kid number two, and while taking care of kid number one I was no longer marketing my husband’s business. He lost his major contract and remained unemployed for about 6-8 months. Can you imagine what it was like in our house with the both of us there all day and me being pregnant?  Fortunately we had set aside enough money to sustain us for a while but the pressure was building.

Since I didn’t deal with the finances I really didn’t know how much money we had – just that there was enough. It turned out that after about 7 months, there was only a few more months of money left in the bank. So one peaceful afternoon I was in my office. My two year-old was rocking in the baby swing while I nursed my two month-old. “Asshole” (that’s his name now) walks into my office and without hesitation and as cavalier as anyone could be, says to me “you need to get a job.” I was dumbfounded, speechless. I wanted to be a wife and a stay-at-home mom, and live up to my role. We had worked so hard for this, I thought to myself. Now, what the fuck? 

What kind of real man sends his nursing wife out to work while he sits at home on his ass? A manipulating, controlling one who wants to be a lazy fuck, and has no respect for women let alone himself – that’s the kind. So for about two months we debated about me going back to work. I was still nursing! But in the end somehow I was reminded that I needed to submit to his will. I found a job, a damn good job and in January of year eight of the marriage I went back to work full-time.

Thank God that I did because that’s when the shit hit the fan so to speak. Even thought I was free from him in proximity he continued to figure out ways to control me and isolate me from the world. When I worked he remained unemployed. Yet insisted we put the kids in day care, so that whenever he got a job they would already be settled in and used to it. I fell for that lame reasoning. Where had my brain cells gone? I was still avoiding conflict.

To be continued....

Text of the Week - I met a real angel

Send to: Cupcake	2011-10-22 00:53	… I met a real angel on Wednesday. For real. Like I think I was talking to a person that no one else could see. It was like a movie.
Send to: Cupcake	2011-10-22 00:54	This is not the weed talking. Trust me.
Received from: Cupcake	2011-10-22 00:54	Whatttt!!!
Send to: Cupcake	2011-10-22 00:55	Yes. I think so. It was right after I got the news.
Received from: Cupcake	2011-10-22 00:56	What did the angel say?
Send to: Cupcake	2011-10-22 00:59	He held my hand. And then said he felt a lot of energy coming from me. He said he was from Switzerland. And that it was a beautiful place. Then he said I was lovely.
Send to: Cupcake	2011-10-22 01:00	His weird dialogue made me feel warm and comforted. I then cried like I was in church to the point where the bartender got nervous and asked me if I was ok.
Send to: Cupcake	2011-10-22 01:01	She (the bartender) talked to me like this guy wasn't even standing there already holding my hand. She didn't see him I know she didn't.
Send to: Cupcake	2011-10-22 01:02	I grabbed my food and purse to leave and when I turned around he was completely gone.
Received from: Cupcake	2011-10-22 01:03	Oh.. wow..that is really an experience.
Send to: Cupcake	2011-10-22 01:04	What do u think? To weird. I know right.
Received from: Cupcake	2011-10-22 01:05	What do you make of it all
Received from: Cupcake	2011-10-22 01:07	No not weird
Received from: Cupcake	2011-10-22 01:08	Things happen to us we can't explain
Send to: Cupcake	2011-10-22 01:08	Let me describe what he looked like. He was a white older man, like in his 80s but amazingly healthily looking. White hair and skin like butter. Only slightly wrinkled. And when I touched his hand it felt like a babies hand
Send to: Cupcake	2011-10-22 01:09	Everything about him seemed so honest and pure.
Send to: Cupcake	2011-10-22 01:11	I think it means that I'm special and I'm going to be ok...like god is going to protect me.
Received from: Cupcake	2011-10-22 01:12	I agree...u r special..you met ur guardian angel
Send to: Cupcake	2011-10-22 01:15	Have you ever met a white man older than 40 with skin like butter?
Received from: Cupcake	2011-10-22 01:16	No not yet.
Send to: Cupcake	2011-10-22 01:16	My point exactly. I don't think they exist. Well anyway. Enough txtn. U good?

Read about my books at http://www.loveandtextmessages.com/ or purchase at: http://www.amazon.com/Love-Text-Messages-Volume-Summer/dp/0985182709/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1331341156&sr=8-1